Choices!

I have been wanting to write this for a long time, but haven't had the words or the time really to put thoughts down and just lay it out there. So here it is....

My journey of weight loss has been an on going struggle, one that has seen highs and lows, peaks, valley's, and plateaus. I started with just wanted to train with a group of gals for an upcoming triathlon. Well that was almost 2 years ago! I have since challenged myself in new ways and continued to incorporate movement into my everyday life. Some weeks are better than others and there have certainly been times where the priority to get my butt to the gym or just doing something just isn't happening. This summer has been especially difficult. I find myself stuck in a once a week workout phase, where I just can't seem to workout but once a week. Every week this summer, something comes up where I just don't do it. I feel terrible on the inside, I find myself more frustrated with my weight loss journey now than ever before. Even in the early days when I was just so mad at myself for letting go of myself. When I was straining myself just to make it once around the lap at the gym. I feel like it has fallen on the back burner, when movement of some kind should always take first priority.

I am hyper sensitive about this now as I am less than 4 days away from the Warrior Dash in Colorado that I signed up to do. I am panicking that I have sabotaged my success by not keeping up training and keeping myself physically fit. I guess I have done some self reflection this week and the choices that I have made. As I was sitting on my butt for 3 straight days this week at a training, I started to think about choices. At this training we were fed quite nicely. Breakfast, Lunch, and 2 Snacks. Dammit! I didn't bring my food scale! My portions were out of control, I drank 3 sodas in 2 days, and if they said snack I was eating because I was bored! As I came home on Monday and Tuesday, I felt like crap! I seriously just wanted to lay around on Tuesday night and not move because I felt so disgusting inside and out. My weight had fluctuated and I gained a pound since Monday morning. I typically lose weight during the week(and gain back on the weekends with beer) As I began agonizing over all of the shitty choices I had made, I decided to start Wednesday as a new day with a whole new set of choices....

I can't go back and change the choices that I made on Monday, Tuesday or any other day...but I have all day to make a choice, one choice at a time! One choice, just one at a time. I made a choice that I was not going to eat as many snacks, only one snack. And no soda, but instead water and my portions would be more veggies, and less carbs. I stuck to it and I was very proud of myself! Simple choices, one at a time! I was ready to make another choice....

My very first solo run outside. I know that this sounds silly, for those who know me know that I run. I run in the gym and I always run with a buddy. I am sort of a freak and don't like to be alone on the roadways running and biking. I think that there are lots of bad guys and they are all going to kidnap me. I know silly but I really don't like to do things outside alone. So tonight I came home and decided I was going for a run. And I did! I ran, 3.2 miles in 34 min. Pretty awesome. I came home and had an awesome dinner of an almond butter sandwich, cucumber and an apple. And then some more choices...I could sit around and veg in front of the TV or I could clean up around the house, take the garbage out, give the kids a bath and put laundry away. I chose movement! I felt so good inside and I noticed that I was a better more pleasant mom to Kenley and Avon and I got so much done! It just feels so good!

I have also come to terms with me....I have to be a bit easier on myself and realize that this is not a sprint. This is marathon. It won't happen overnight. It has been almost 2 years of changes and choices, but I still have to work at it daily! I need to stop comparing and do more praise to myself. I need to look in the mirror and love me. The me that I see in the mirror, and not the me from 6 years ago when I was super skinny, and not the me that I think I should be because magazine and media tell me to be. I am beautiful and me and I have to be ok with that. I need to give myself some self affirmations daily to remind myself of how really amazing I am. I am beautiful, talented, amazing and simply the best at being me! The choice is up to me! One choice at a time.