When will I ever feel this need go away???
A couple of months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night from a horrible dream. I was sweaty, out of breath, and feeling like something was ripped from me. I tried so hard to remember my dream but couldn't for the life of me. I remember bits and pieces but couldn't remember the entire thing. I remember a child being taken from my arms. I wasn't in my home, in my town, in my state, or even in my country. I remember being in a village, walking in dirt with sandals, and going hut to hut searching for my child. The only thing was is that the child was not my son or my daughter. This child was African American and a tall man took the child from me. The child was reaching for me yelling, "mommy mommy" What did it all mean? Why do I continue to have this dream. This dream re-occurs almost weekly. I hate that I can't ever get my baby back in my dreams. It is one of those dreams that is never resolved and is the same every time.
Since I can remember, even from when I was a child I have had the dream of adopting a child. My husband knows this and he even agreed that adoption was something that he would be interested in. Our youngest daughter is 3 we have a son that is 6 and for the past year I have thought about adding to our family. My husband on the other hand has different ideas. He is fine with our two children, a boy and a girl. Our family size is perfect to him. I have other plans. I want at least one or two more kids, and this yearning to adopt. I want to give a child a life that they deserve to have, a family to love them, a warm and loving home to grow in, and a life full of adventure and happiness.
How is it that my husband and I can be in two different spots? How can I go through life not ever fulfilling something in my heart. How can I not resent him for the feeling of satisfaction and happiness with life? How can he not resent me if we decide to add to our family? In so many aspects of our life we are on the same page...why aren't we now?
